Birth date: Feb 9, 1937 Death date: Oct 28, 2015
Frederick Charles Oeffner, age 78, of Lewes, DE passed away on Wednesday, October 28, 2015 at his home surrounded by his loving family after over a two and a half year battle with metastatic prostate cancer. Fred was born on Febr Read Obituary
Dear Family and Friends,
Thank you so much for honoring the memory of my father by attending his viewing and/or service. . .or simply logging on. Below is the eulogy that I delivered at his service. I apologize for the delay in posting it.
Warmest Regards,
Cathy
The Essence of Fred - Part 1
Fred was, in a word, cool. . .He was a gem and a treasure. Fred was fine art in a dollar store frame. Better yet, Godiva in a Milk Duds box. Seemingly simple on the outside, but with a rich, complex center.
Dad was born a farmboy in Paullina, Iowa. God's country. Unsophisticated country. And to his credit, he remained an unassuming farmboy throughout his life. In a nutshell, Fred exceled at appreciating the beauty in simple things and the value of relationships, not only with his family members, but with his friends, neighbors, and within his community. In this fast-paced age of novelty, technology, and social media, Fred was a throwback, a lover of the careworn and the tried and true. For Dad, two fried eggs at a crummy, old-fashioned diner were the Holy Grail. And the lost art of taking a ride?? No one took a ride better than Fred.
As a girl, I definitely didn't want to miss errands from Hammond Village to Laurel, Maryland. Pretzel rods, Wink, maybe a candy bar. . .and sheer joy. In recent times, Wawa was the destination. Along the way, the passenger or passengers, daughters or grandchildren, would have any number of new identities. . ."Frog," "Ralph," "Sidney," "Ethel," or maybe "Evelyn. . ." A lot of sightseeing took place. And on arrival, "Clyde" was the center of attention. Simple things and joy. . .that's a recipe for likability. And boy, talk about likable!
Everybody liked Fred. And Fred liked everybody. (Except maybe for a few people at NSA in the 70's and 80's. I learned that at the dinner table. I didn't know what they did or what secrets they held, of course.) Anyway, Fred had a talent for likability. Just like a Seinfeld episode. . .a wisp of a thought or theory became bantering, and then came laughing out loud. He was magnetic. . .Golf groups, bridge groups, Bob and Doris and ACC friends, the Tuckers. . .the list of those who adored Fred goes on and on. Dad was known at Wawa as The Mayor of Nassau and was the apple of every nurse's eye at the Tunnell Cancer Center.
Dad exceled at Saturdays and Sundays. . .golf or football on the TV, a sip of Papst Blue Ribbon, cigar smoke rings, and a ride on the lawnmower. And he was the star of the show on holidays. . .He was particulary funny on Christmas morning when he loved to build the suspense by insisting that his coffee be made before we could open presents and by stretching out the opening of his own presents. Just ask the Mauser boys how they felt about "Uncle Clyde."
So let's resume the ride. . . if you could wedge your way into a seat among the golfballs, hanging windbreakers, toothpicks, hats, sunglasses, and, for sure, old newspapers. . .you could hitch a ride to Baywood in the silver Odyssey van for a round of golf. On the way, you could work out why anyone would have salvaged a duel cassette tape beauty with a broken antenna masking-taped to the dashboard. Or you could just appreciate the interior decorating, that is, the Iowa State mascot riding shotgun on the dash.
If you were lucky enough to be one of Fred's Maryland or Delaware golf buddies. . .I envy you. Because learning to play golf was something that I always wanted to do with my dad but never got the chance. . .how he loved golf!
The Essence of Fred - Part 2
Golf was his true love. Oh, and my mom Joanie was too. . .although the badboy in him didn't always show it. I used to tell people all the time, "They met on a blind date, and they're still blind!" After being sent a letter from a ROTC lieutenant at Iowa State who threatened discharge if Dad didn't pass calculus, Dad somehow pulled off a passing grade and came East with the Navy. His buddy, Art Hiban, set Joan and Fred up and the rest is history. After 50+ years of bickering and a few choice words, they were still together in the end. But anybody that knows Joan knows she is tough as nails and I applaud her for her dedication to being Dad's caregiver for the last three years. Thank you Mom! It was not an easy task even though, as sick as he was in the end, he never lost his sense of humor. He was tossing out witty one-liners almost up until his last breath.
So. . .I've covered the Milk Duds. Let's talk about the Godiva, the rich center. To nail the essence of Fred is like describing the complexities of a fine wine. . .because underneath the funny, jovial exterior was a man of substance. Fred was a quality individual who cared deeply about his country and the human experience. He had a monumental social conscience. He deplored the cunning of the fat cats and stuck up for the average Joe. Somehow he didn't need neonatal resuscitation, but I can tell you he was a blue baby in the red half of the split state of Iowa. And if you happen to live on Park Avenue in Lewes, you know that better than anyone. Because the blue baby many years later never wore his hearing aids and MSNBC blaring through the screened-in porch, with a couple of Fred's expletives superimposed, was a regular occurrence on Park Avenue. They say you shouldn't discuss politics if you wanna keep your friends, but Fred managed to do both. . .
Looking beyond the vibrance and charisma, Dad was an avid reader and had a vocabulary that would put most of us to shame. . .and I'm not just talking about the swear-words. That man could tear up a crossword like nobody's business!! I had a dad who knew how to make the most of the basics, but was also smart enough to capitalize on opportunities that opened up his world and that of his family. I am forever grateful for the amazing childhood that I had. . .who else gets to spend 3rd and 4th grade experiencing a place like Ankara, Turkey?? From those two years on, my sister and I have loved adventure and have appreciated the vastness of the world and all the wonder in it. I want to thank Dad for cultivating our imaginations and for instilling in us the work ethic to make anything possible. Not too shabby for a farmboy from Iowa, right??
In conclusion, I hope today that I have made some remarks that echo your own memories of Fred. I know he would be pleased that you are all here. So Daddy, I'm sure you've found a gem of a ramshackle diner by now tucked in an out-of-the way corner of heaven and have befriended all those present. I bet everyone there loves you already! Keep it rolling! I love you, Daddy!!
In Loving Memory,
Catherine Oeffner DeLuca
(Jane's reflection continued)
She and Dad had a bond that blossomed at her arrival and grew stronger everyday. I am so grateful to my Dad for the tenderness, guidance and appreciation he shared with her. My heart swelled to watch Katarina as she helped to take care of my Dad. I am so proud of her strength and compassion, traits he instilled in her with his kindness and devotion. Thank you, Dad, for helping us with the most important job in the world.
I was fortunate to have spent 5 weeks with my Dad this summer…the gift of time. And the opportunity to experience more of his life by meeting and spending time with the so many of you who were so important to him. We sincerely thank you for your many cards, phone calls, visits and well wishes ..they are what kept him going. Dad had a zest for life and all of his energy came from all of you, “his people.” Thank you for being here today to share in our celebration of an all around super guy that we were blessed to have in our lives. And thank you Mom for the care you gave Dad when he was ill. I leave you with a quote by Joe E Lewis that my seems to embody my Dad’s philosophy on life:
“You only live once but if you work it right, once is enough.”
Thank you to so many of my dear friends who made the trip to Lewes to celebrate my Dad's life and to support me and my family. And thank you to all of my friends who have reached out with such kind words. Even though you were not able to be with us in person, your thoughts and prayers were with me and still are. I thought it would be nice to share the words of reflection that I delivered at the funeral.
Many thanks,
Jane
My dad… a man known by many names: Fred, Freddie, Poppy, Poopy, Uncle Clyde and of course Frederick Charles Minnie Carl Oeffner. Cathy and I used to love to say that 3 x fast when we were kids! And, as we all know, he had a crazy name for everyone else. At anytime you might be Ralph, Sydney, Melvin, Clyde, Ethel or Evelyn. My dad, the funny guy who was loved by everyone he met. He taught me the power of a smile and the contagion of humor. My dad lived by the quote by Ella Wheeler Wilcox “ Laugh and the whole world laughs with you”.
When my sister and I were young, naturally we were embarrassed that he talked to any and everyone…now my daughter says the same about me! Dad taught me to make friends with everyone wherever I go and how important it is to have “your people”. Fred always had a hangout where everyone knew his name and he smoked his cigar, read his paper or book, and did his cross word while sipping some type of beverage! In Maryland, it was a corner bar in Laurel. Here in Lewes, we all know it was Wawa. He’d walk into Wawa, yell “Rudabaga”, a Fred created word, to all (as he knew everyone!), get a coffee, proceed to read all of their newpapers while chatting everyone up and then hang out in the infamous van for hours! The funniest was when a very petite Asian woman came up to me so excited because she wanted to show me pictures of Dad. She had taken his signature white towel and created a Princess Leah type turban on his head! And we can’t forget when he impetuously hopped into the bachelor party van and headed to Seacrets in Ocean City for the evening with a bunch of young bucks! Dad loved to have fun and he taught me to live in the moment and never turn down a party!
Dad loved to read…so many memories of him with his two pair of glasses, usually one pair ladies from the dollar store! Dad would read any and everything. I laughed so hard when I caught him reading Bridget Jones Diary. I asked him why and he said, “I want to see what you girls are reading.” We often talked about and shared books between us and others… this summer he told me he loved to read so as to experience the world “vicariously”, his favorite word. He loved all things books, libraries and especially second hand book shops. And he passed that love on to me and to my daughter Katarina. We are looking at colleges now and the library is always the first stop on the tour!
My dad was passionate about golf and he was good at it. He revered his numerous golf buddies, many of whom are here today and supported him through this long journey. When we were young we missed him when he was gone those Saturdays, but loved learning to putt into a college stein down the basement. He taught me the value of slowing down and spending a quiet afternoon watching golf.
My dad loved shoes. When we were little, Cathy and I would have to stand with him in front of Florsheim Shoes in Laurel and watch shoes rotate for what seemed like forever! Our closets of shoes are evidence that he passed on this love too! Dad put on his shiny penny loafers every time he was up and about including the last time he and I shuffled to the bathroom. Always dapper, my Dad!
Most of all, my Dad loved his grandkids, Katarina, Matthew and Sophia. He lit up when they came into the room, always making them the center of attention. And never a visit would go by without the requisite trip to Wawa with Poppy when the kids could have whatever they wanted! My daughter Katarina cherished every trip. (continued)
JOAN, JANE & KATHY, I was sorry to read of Fred's passing. I hope you all are coping as best you can. Still miss our Bridge games. Call me if you are ever in Laurel. God Bless all of you. Arline Torcisi
I fondly recall a day of golf with Fred at Springhaven CC. He had just hit a long, straight drive . He walked away from the tee.... lit up a big cigar, then told one of his corny jokes. It was a great day for him, and everybody in his foursome.
His company was a pleasure all the time. A humble gentleman.
Mike Kohute
Dear Joan and family,
I was so sorry to hear of the death of Fred. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during these trying times. Always keep the wonderful memories at hand.
Much love,
Sue Thompson
